Sick and Sicker

Remember when we were young and carefree, living out our dreams of rainbows and unicorns. On occasion we would find ourselves feeling under the weather.

No no, not like THAT. Thank God that chapter has slammed shut. I had enough of those days. I'm talking about a flu bug. You know, the one that caused you to call in sick so you could rest your weary bones and care for you delicate little self. The self that had hopes, dreams and goals in life. Like this:

Because who doesn't get their weave did and face made up when they were sick BEFORE kids. Anywho......So the point of all this being, sick as an adult is uber lame-o. But that's not what I will be giving you a visual of today. This is about the little people who didn't get the memo that your hopes, dreams and goals did not include someone puking, coughing, oozing etc. all over you while they are sick.

Naturally there are a few ---->zillion<---- reasons why a sick kid may not be on your rad radar but THIS  particular flu with our 2 year old has been the holy grail of unradness. The coughing that has taken place is insane. And disgusting.

 

So gross. If I weren't so busy saving the world one nap at a time, I would TOTALLY clean my house. Lets be honest,  Downton Abby isn't going to watch itself.
Along with that is the goopy eye. That's right people, the ole' bog eye. It's oozy, crusty goodness has caused a slight bit o' the blindness in this wee lad. I am sure that this will be necessary to tattoo on his forehead....now.

While all of that is gross, the worst part may be that he wants to sleep in our bed EVERY. NIGHT. Sleeping with Titus is, how I would imagine sleeping with an emu, along with a wolf from the snowy mountains of tibet, in a burlap bag, that you throw into the ocean in the middle of winter. That may seem extreme but I assure you it's not. It's almost like he is ANGRY at sleep. But he doesn't know what a GIFT sweet, sweet sleep is. She is a precious and kind creature that deserves respect.

After one of his particularly angry sleeps, I woke up as Kurt was getting ready for work . He mention that Titus had kicked him an extra amount that night. I figured he was exaggerating.

I looked at him and saw he was. He is such a crybaby. I asked him where it hurt and he was a little vague.

Thank goodness he seems to be on the mend. I'm not sure how much more I can take. Plus they want you to be honest on your craigslist ads and disclosing a gross flu makes it less likely someone will take him. Luckily I was able to put my makeup on this morning and show the world the gift that is me!!

I have really been trying some new styles and hope you like it! Until next time!!!

 

 

 So every morning I try to wake up before the kids, get a breakfast ready for them while I drink my coffee and just take time for myself. <----lie
 Every morning my TEN year old gets up, takes a shower on the days he has allotted for himself to take showers, makes his breakfast and packs his lunch. Then he turns on the coffee pot for me before he comes and wakes me up. <--truth

He will thank me later as he trims my bunions.
 Then there is Hunter. Hand to heaven the kid is as bad as me. About three weeks ago, Kurt and I had just gone to bed. We hear one of the kids rustling around and hunter stumbles out of his room, walks into Titus's room where he flips on the light and pulls out the goods to pee!! Thankfully Kurt pulled a triple pike flip with enough vault to get him into the room before the flood gates opened. The kid is in a vegetative state when he is asleep.
 Silas is usually the last to wake up. His helmet hair is all over the place and the first thing he wants to do is play with my hair...

I have two bald spots on my head. No joke. No one will convince me it's anything other than Gollum. No one.....
 This leaves Titus. You will refer back to earlier posts about this. No, not the diet one, jerk. And no, I didn't finish my diet. I got super good at doing my makeup...

Its working out well, thanks.
 So Titus the Toe, as I fondly thought of him, is actually tiny toe the mobster.The kid stumbles out of the bedroom this morning. Not HIS bedroom because he, about 11 pm, decided he was too good for this crib. So  he stood up, and cried the battle cry of 300....I was not entertained and I DID want him to dine "there". So I bring him into bed with me where he promptly shoved his hand down my shirt, foot into my gut and laid his body across the bed. Terrific. So this clearly means it's time to tackle all of the worlds problems. Now. Until my kids wake up.

By the time I'm supposed to be waking up for all my duties (<----lie), I'm so tired I swear I'm waking up from a bad nap. And I guess it was rough for the toe because he stumbles out of bed and comes quietly to me....and decks me in the face. With his hand. And it went like this for the rest of the day. He is a tiny little terrorist. Seriously, he holds my sanity hostage and I will pay ANYTHING to this tiny little person  just for a second of sleep...I mean PEACE.
 I know I talk about the kids a lot but seriously, what do you want me to talk about? Going to Costco, weeping at the register as they ring up my order and I hand over my right kidney? Forgetting to renew my tabs for the second month in a row and having a police officer at Starbucks tell me to get them renewed because a STATE trooper would give me a ticket for them? Fear not though, I am sure something completely ridiculous will take place for me to write about before you die of the kid story snooze fest.

It's happening again.....

What? I'm not gone for good much to the dismay of a few!!
Honestly, last year knocked the wind out of my sassy sails. My spunky, amazing, incredible mother in law was taken from us too soon. I couldn't breath for a while, it almost felt like I wasn't grieving "right". Of course there isn't a right or a wrong way, but it felt like it wasn't enough. She had done so much for us, impacted the community of Olympia in such a powerful way, it wasn't enough.
You always want your children to see things through their eyes for as long as possible, the eyes of a child. Innocent and joyful. My desire is for them to know their noni the way that the other cousins did. She baked with them, did their homework with them and was a huge part of them being who they are. It was this time last year we found out she was sick. Three days after Christmas she was gone. It's still all very raw. I wish she had come with us on our family vacation that was out of control and crazy this summer. To see how amazing it was to have all her crazy kids and their spouses and their kids under one insanely haunted roof (legit, this place was haunted). She would be so proud of the kids this year and would be horrified along with my mother at silas and his dirty dancing, Titus sticking his hands down my shirt STILL, hunter NEVER showering and Cole...well what is there bad to say about him!!
So as you can see we are coming up on a year with a hole in our hearts but I feel like I might be back...
you have missed a lot this year, no lie. My kids are cray cray....

Namaste suckas, I will have humor from here on out. Love and miss you momma M.

Let the games begin

You know how Christmas is supposed to be kind of a kid's thing...not so much. I literally cannot help myself. Part of it is finding epic deals that are better than crack and the other half is seeing my kids play with the stuff I give them. Part of the great deals are online and the other part is all in my mind. Supposedly black Friday is all about getting great deals, right? No, no it's not. It is ALL about the people watching my friends.

The whole point is watching the unraveling of normally mentally stable people come to a tragic end. You factor in a few things. One, they have just spent an entire day before with their family. My family is normal, but I'm sure yours is messed up. Two, the guilt of having eaten enough for a small apocalyptic community to survive on for a few years adds to the mental imbalance tipping the wrong way. Three, you add the time. For some reason, the ONLY way you are in the black Friday Olympics is if you get up at 1 am, put your game face on and have Eye of the Tiger on your mental radio loop. If you are really in it to win you you have it blasting from  a speaker dangling from your neck. Or it's on your Black Friday belt that contains pepper spray, walkie talkies and a water bottle that matches your sweat band. Then you add in the waiting. Lots and lots of waiting in line. Now sometimes you can strike up a jovial conversation but most of the time, no.And when you see that employee heading towards the door to finally unlock it, there are are no friends. Its a sprint to make it to those Lego's that are 13 cents off regular price. You better believe someone is going down. Now you have all your stuff in your hand and an arm load of $3 DVDS that you never would have purchased in the first place but you felt the need to at least have some sort of deal to brag about. You end up buying a bunch of pity presents for a job well done...for yourself.

Please take note of whom you should and should not fight. Proper black Friday shopping calls for the proper hydration so make sure you put the whiskey down before 4 pm the following night....if you can handle it being that you are hanging out with your family.
Seriously love this. Every year I go. I go to mock everyone and get a years worth of total bafflement over the human race. It is absolutely worth it just for this. Hopefully I will have more to come after black Friday :)

Squirrel

I am the WORST, EVER. at paying attention. Fairly certain that I had to write this sentence about four times because I couldn't remember what I was typing. Just to make my husband happy, I took an ADD test online. I can't remember what it said but I think I failed because I saw a squirrel....

I cannot even begin to tell you how often I have asked my beloved husband to repeat something he said. He does not enunciate!!! It's not my fault!!

"woman! PLEASE! If you tried you COULD pay attention!!!!!!!"
I really, really do. This is how it goes in my head.
Enter; husband. "Hey, so I have to tell you about......"
Me: OK, I'm going to use my razor sharp wife paying attention skills! I'm ALREADY a good wife!!!!!!Bring it husband!! Lazer like paying attention.
Husband: And so if you.....blah, blah, blah, blah....
Me: Holy cow, I need to pluck my eyebrows...I was totally going to do that yesterday but after being distracted by my toe hairs that rivaled that alpaca I saw on the Internet I totally forgot....I think it looks like this...

Oh jeez,I also totally forgot to shave my toe hairs. EVERYONE is going to know that I have to braid those suckers....
Husband: and just put it.....blah blah blah
Me: Oh for the love, he is halfway through saying what he was telling me. Is there any way to salvage this so he won't know I was thinking of sparkly things and uni brows??? Maybe if I read his lips for a minute....

His lips are little like mine...our kids have little lips....I wonder if we are going to have to have surgery or if our lips are going to be swallowed up by our faces...

I wonder why our lips are so small...along with my beady little eyes....I should start doing bead art again!! That was fun!!
Husband: Anna!! Anna!!
Me: *POOF* I was listening!!!!!!

Husband: OK, what did I say??
Me: You said....wow, I'm super hosed right now...I still like bead art though..

The cycle of life

So this morning I was reading through an article about a young girl. She had posted a pic of herself in her skivvies, all to promote healthy self awareness. Great and good for her. And my thighs also thought the same thing.
 How many of us do this cycle ALL THE TIME. I will lay the cycle out for you....
 You wake up, birds singing, your children leap into your arms with loving hugs and kisses. You skip down the hallway, happy as a lark when you pass the mirror....WTF. (why the face???)

One, two, three, four....annnnnddddd your day is ruined. THAT'S IT!!!!! I'm going on a diet. Because along with your chins your thighs and butt decide it's time to strike. During the night they got together with your pants and all decided to make you feel like a manatee.

"Oh, I'm your fat pants? Sorry, but I have to break up with you. It's just not working out. I hear your sweats are still available....".

This was all that was available, sorry. So then comes the plan. I am going to eat ONLY healthy low-cal food ALL day!!!!!!! It starts out super exciting. You pull out from the back of the cupboard your diet food from the last cycle, dust it off and think "wow, this looks yummy!!!!!!!!!!"

Yummy!!! So excited to be on a DIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I am going to go over to Pinterest and find some GREAT workouts because diet AND exercise is KEY. Doodly, doo, doodly dum..lah, lah,lah....WHAT IS THIS DELICIOUS LOOKING PIE??????????????????????

Well, I will just pin this for LATER when I have to bring something to share with OTHER people who don't have the will power that I do....Holy mother of St. Jude, IS THAT MADE OUT OF OREOS??????????
 OK, I just need to walk away from this. Oh, I know, I will move all of the bad food out of the house so that I don't eat it. Like these M&M's, I'll just set them over here...and have just five. They always say that depriving yourself of treats is bad because then you just crave more....
Have these always been so good????? I really need something salty to wash this down with...Just three chips, that's all.....
OH MY GOSH, I CAN'T STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP ME!!!!!!!

And then I finish everything in the house because I have no self control. And then I cry myself to sleep and tell myself that I will start my diet again tomorrow....

Who am I kidding, I'm not going to diet tomorrow. My husband bought me sweat pants for an anniversary present for a reason...Better luck next January pants!!!!!!!!!!! I'm preserving healthy body image for the generations to come!!!

Liar, liar

Several thing's have transpired in the past few months that have made me want to write a post about this. As a stay at home mom and just a mom in general, I struggle with having it all together. I mean, come on, my husband knows me so well he bought me sweat pants for our anniversary. It wasn't because I work out all the time, let me tell you.
  I'm not talking about looking good because, honestly, if I had the money I would look pretty fly all the time. I'm talking about the lovey dovey, "my kids are so precious and GOOD all the time". Acting like the little sillies only do naughty things once every other day.
Your a liar. Annnddd I'm calling you out on it because it's not fair to all the other mom's out there struggling to keep their crap together and not fall apart in front of the other mom's at church, preschool, friend groups, etc. This is why you join a wine club...er, I mean BOOK club. Kidding! Kind of...
  I clearly, CLEARLY remember the year that my first son was about 1 and a half and our second son was a few months old. I cannot even express how thankful I was that my husband told me to be a stay at home mom, it saved us from a lot. BUT I realised REALLY quickly that, more than I knew, my identity was wrapped up in being a mom who was able to get  out of the house at least twice a week. And so I started to lose my mind....slowly but surely. And then I became bitter. REALLY bitter. I was mad at my husband and about how my life was. Here is something that is true, IT HAPPENS TO ALL OF US. There is this window of time for about a year or two with moms that have kids where you can't stand your life.
  But I have a secret, it gets better. It's not going to be tomorrow, it's not even going to be a few weeks down the road. What you will notice is, that over time, it's gotten easier and you are able to enjoy most things again.

 I can still remember being so angry at my husband for the tenth week in a row that I felt like we needed marriage counseling. It was a moment where I wanted to punch him in the face and run him over with the minivan. We sat down with our pastor, who forewarned us that he wasn't good at marriage counseling, to get stuff off MY chest ;). He listened, said "that sucks", and gave us a pamphlet for a marriage seminar. We didn't go, we didn't have the money. Thank God for amazing parents who listened patiently to me rant about my husband and kids, all while telling me it gets better (and secretly calling my husband to tell him it gets better...and not to leave their daughter for the love of all that's holy!!!).
  I completely feel like you need to make sure you are plugged into groups that get you out of the house. You NEED to be in MOPS or a women's bible study or WHATEVER, just so you can meet with other people that have been through it. Don't fake it till you make it. Because you won't make it.
  Please feel free to drop me a message ANYTIME about your confessions. There were times I wondered why I was a mom, why I was still staying at home and how I was going to make it through. *this* person you are right now, WILL NOT be the same person once your kids can wipe their ow butts. Once they can get dressed by themselves (and seriously, let the kid dress himself/herself. You will look back and laugh at the underwear on the head someday). Make themselves breakfast. Your life and the person you are will come back to you. At some point you will again do your hair and wear makeup....for a date.
  The one thing I really want to leave with you is not to compare yourself. People have said to me a hundred times over "Really?? You feel that way about your kids/life/husband??". Let's be real with each other because it takes a village to raise these kids!! There are no secrets in a village people!!!