Squirrel

I am the WORST, EVER. at paying attention. Fairly certain that I had to write this sentence about four times because I couldn't remember what I was typing. Just to make my husband happy, I took an ADD test online. I can't remember what it said but I think I failed because I saw a squirrel....

I cannot even begin to tell you how often I have asked my beloved husband to repeat something he said. He does not enunciate!!! It's not my fault!!

"woman! PLEASE! If you tried you COULD pay attention!!!!!!!"
I really, really do. This is how it goes in my head.
Enter; husband. "Hey, so I have to tell you about......"
Me: OK, I'm going to use my razor sharp wife paying attention skills! I'm ALREADY a good wife!!!!!!Bring it husband!! Lazer like paying attention.
Husband: And so if you.....blah, blah, blah, blah....
Me: Holy cow, I need to pluck my eyebrows...I was totally going to do that yesterday but after being distracted by my toe hairs that rivaled that alpaca I saw on the Internet I totally forgot....I think it looks like this...

Oh jeez,I also totally forgot to shave my toe hairs. EVERYONE is going to know that I have to braid those suckers....
Husband: and just put it.....blah blah blah
Me: Oh for the love, he is halfway through saying what he was telling me. Is there any way to salvage this so he won't know I was thinking of sparkly things and uni brows??? Maybe if I read his lips for a minute....

His lips are little like mine...our kids have little lips....I wonder if we are going to have to have surgery or if our lips are going to be swallowed up by our faces...

I wonder why our lips are so small...along with my beady little eyes....I should start doing bead art again!! That was fun!!
Husband: Anna!! Anna!!
Me: *POOF* I was listening!!!!!!

Husband: OK, what did I say??
Me: You said....wow, I'm super hosed right now...I still like bead art though..

The cycle of life

So this morning I was reading through an article about a young girl. She had posted a pic of herself in her skivvies, all to promote healthy self awareness. Great and good for her. And my thighs also thought the same thing.
 How many of us do this cycle ALL THE TIME. I will lay the cycle out for you....
 You wake up, birds singing, your children leap into your arms with loving hugs and kisses. You skip down the hallway, happy as a lark when you pass the mirror....WTF. (why the face???)

One, two, three, four....annnnnddddd your day is ruined. THAT'S IT!!!!! I'm going on a diet. Because along with your chins your thighs and butt decide it's time to strike. During the night they got together with your pants and all decided to make you feel like a manatee.

"Oh, I'm your fat pants? Sorry, but I have to break up with you. It's just not working out. I hear your sweats are still available....".

This was all that was available, sorry. So then comes the plan. I am going to eat ONLY healthy low-cal food ALL day!!!!!!! It starts out super exciting. You pull out from the back of the cupboard your diet food from the last cycle, dust it off and think "wow, this looks yummy!!!!!!!!!!"

Yummy!!! So excited to be on a DIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I am going to go over to Pinterest and find some GREAT workouts because diet AND exercise is KEY. Doodly, doo, doodly dum..lah, lah,lah....WHAT IS THIS DELICIOUS LOOKING PIE??????????????????????

Well, I will just pin this for LATER when I have to bring something to share with OTHER people who don't have the will power that I do....Holy mother of St. Jude, IS THAT MADE OUT OF OREOS??????????
 OK, I just need to walk away from this. Oh, I know, I will move all of the bad food out of the house so that I don't eat it. Like these M&M's, I'll just set them over here...and have just five. They always say that depriving yourself of treats is bad because then you just crave more....
Have these always been so good????? I really need something salty to wash this down with...Just three chips, that's all.....
OH MY GOSH, I CAN'T STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP ME!!!!!!!

And then I finish everything in the house because I have no self control. And then I cry myself to sleep and tell myself that I will start my diet again tomorrow....

Who am I kidding, I'm not going to diet tomorrow. My husband bought me sweat pants for an anniversary present for a reason...Better luck next January pants!!!!!!!!!!! I'm preserving healthy body image for the generations to come!!!

Liar, liar

Several thing's have transpired in the past few months that have made me want to write a post about this. As a stay at home mom and just a mom in general, I struggle with having it all together. I mean, come on, my husband knows me so well he bought me sweat pants for our anniversary. It wasn't because I work out all the time, let me tell you.
  I'm not talking about looking good because, honestly, if I had the money I would look pretty fly all the time. I'm talking about the lovey dovey, "my kids are so precious and GOOD all the time". Acting like the little sillies only do naughty things once every other day.
Your a liar. Annnddd I'm calling you out on it because it's not fair to all the other mom's out there struggling to keep their crap together and not fall apart in front of the other mom's at church, preschool, friend groups, etc. This is why you join a wine club...er, I mean BOOK club. Kidding! Kind of...
  I clearly, CLEARLY remember the year that my first son was about 1 and a half and our second son was a few months old. I cannot even express how thankful I was that my husband told me to be a stay at home mom, it saved us from a lot. BUT I realised REALLY quickly that, more than I knew, my identity was wrapped up in being a mom who was able to get  out of the house at least twice a week. And so I started to lose my mind....slowly but surely. And then I became bitter. REALLY bitter. I was mad at my husband and about how my life was. Here is something that is true, IT HAPPENS TO ALL OF US. There is this window of time for about a year or two with moms that have kids where you can't stand your life.
  But I have a secret, it gets better. It's not going to be tomorrow, it's not even going to be a few weeks down the road. What you will notice is, that over time, it's gotten easier and you are able to enjoy most things again.

 I can still remember being so angry at my husband for the tenth week in a row that I felt like we needed marriage counseling. It was a moment where I wanted to punch him in the face and run him over with the minivan. We sat down with our pastor, who forewarned us that he wasn't good at marriage counseling, to get stuff off MY chest ;). He listened, said "that sucks", and gave us a pamphlet for a marriage seminar. We didn't go, we didn't have the money. Thank God for amazing parents who listened patiently to me rant about my husband and kids, all while telling me it gets better (and secretly calling my husband to tell him it gets better...and not to leave their daughter for the love of all that's holy!!!).
  I completely feel like you need to make sure you are plugged into groups that get you out of the house. You NEED to be in MOPS or a women's bible study or WHATEVER, just so you can meet with other people that have been through it. Don't fake it till you make it. Because you won't make it.
  Please feel free to drop me a message ANYTIME about your confessions. There were times I wondered why I was a mom, why I was still staying at home and how I was going to make it through. *this* person you are right now, WILL NOT be the same person once your kids can wipe their ow butts. Once they can get dressed by themselves (and seriously, let the kid dress himself/herself. You will look back and laugh at the underwear on the head someday). Make themselves breakfast. Your life and the person you are will come back to you. At some point you will again do your hair and wear makeup....for a date.
  The one thing I really want to leave with you is not to compare yourself. People have said to me a hundred times over "Really?? You feel that way about your kids/life/husband??". Let's be real with each other because it takes a village to raise these kids!! There are no secrets in a village people!!!

A little sand in your shoes

So this kind of goes along with the whole idea of what I said yesterday, I have no goals :). But this past month I have been really allowing my heart to hear what the Lord has to say to me. Now hold onto your muffin tops, what I am about to say is going to be shocking....I am learning that I am created to be a reflection of Christ.This is not new information to me, but I am really allowing it to touch my stony heart! And guess what,this means that what I want doesn't really matter!!!

I know, right now the hair on the back of 95% of you necks is standing on edge. How could I POSSIBLY allow myself to put the rights of others in front of my own?? Won't I wake up one day, panicked, fat and STILL barefoot wishing I hadn't wasted my life living for OTHERS???? Oh the AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I know that the years I have spent fighting for what I want are soooooo worthwhile. Like having to keep up with how everyone lives their life's has been great on my credit cards....womp, womp. Or, feeling like I am a big fat loser for being "just" a stay at home mom with only an AA. I know that most of the time what I am saying is picture like this, because I pictured MY life like this before I knew what I "wanted".

 I can assure you, this is NOT the case.For a long time I felt like I was a loser for not working and making my OWN money. Or that I wasn't doing something for ME. I'm kinda over that lie.
  I want nothing more than to be what I have been created for, that is being a helpmate to my husband and being a glorification of God! Oh, that was nails on a chalkboard, wasn't it ;)!! Well I can promise you I am no where near where I want to be BUT I also feel like you can see I am a real person who wants nothing more than to laugh and make fun of myself and family, all under the umbrella of who I am in Christ! And now that I have set feminism back sixty years, I am going to go put my apron on and get myself pregnant ;)

Monday monday

I feel like most people grew up with goals in mind. Whether it be a lawyer, a photographer, a mom, whatevs it was for you. Well not me. I kid you not, I honestly had no goals. Well, not completely true. According to MASH, I was going to live in a mansion, marry a rich guy, have 18 kids and be SUPER skinny and hot.

Seriously don't know what happened...I was THIS close.... 1/4.5 of that came true because I have 4 of those 18 kids. I remember thinking that I wanted to be a horse trainer but KNEW even at that young age I wouldn't be able to afford it. For those of you who didn't know I rode/showed horses from like 11-17. It was an amazing experience but an eye opener. Knowing even then, it took a LOT of money to be REALLY good at showing horses. It's kind of strange that I knew that so young. Let me tell you though, I am so content not being involved in something that is a bottomless pit of emotion or money or time. I am thankful that the Lord gave me a SEMI content heart, not that He isn't constantly working on it! How many people do you look at and just SEE that it is never enough?? My wedding I think could have used a dreamer though :). My poor mom....I hated EVERY second of planning my wedding. When I said I never had any dreams, I meant it. Planning a wedding was like a bird pecking out my brain, constantly. At one point I told my mom I didn't care, she could pick whatever she wanted! Having a Hawaiian theme wedding was NOT on in my imagination though. I guess Kurt grew up with dreams of Hawaiian weddings...

Needless to say, I will be completely content with whatever my kids decide to be or do as long as they love the Lord with their whole hearts and work to the best of their abilities. Some people may say that this makes me a person with no goals....

I know!!! Taking the grossest pictures ever of myself is my goal in life ;)

where do they come from?

You know those mornings you wake up and wonder "where did these kid's come from"? It started last night when, after being in bed, Hunter came out of the room BAWLING. Kurt asked him what was wrong. Well, apparently he didn't do his 20 minutes of reading, which results in no signature. The way he was crying you would think they make the kids walk down a hallway while yelling "you didn't finish your reading, loser!!!" and throwing rotten fruit. So we told him we would wake him up early to do his reading. Kurt had to leave super early to go to work so it was up to me. I know, I'm laughing already, too!! By some miracle of the Lord, the kid's got up on their own and did their homework. My alarm went of a million times but for some reason I didn't hear it....weird.
So everyone gets off to school and I am getting ready to take Silas to preschool when I see two missed calls. And two messages. Both are from my OCD son. I love this kid. He is the one who got Hunter up to do his reading. He makes his own lunch and his dad's everyday. And smiles while making a mental check list of the awesomeness he accomplishes every day. It hurts to be that awesome. His clothes are ALWAYS stellar. He gets that from me...
So the message is him saying he forgot his lunch. So no worries, I swing it in. The office lady was laughing because she said he got right off the bus and ran into the office to call me. I told HER I brought him a xanax and a glass of wine to calm himself. His initials are VCM and little did we know his name would stand for very controlled malizio. The Toe will be proud to know him someday.
It's just so funny because we also have bipolar man who goes from super insanely happy to someone crushed his hopes and dreams of being a circus clown sad. Silas is just that way. He gets in the car from preschool and tells me he doesn't want his shirt on anymore

You may also notice the remnants of a mustache. The boys had mustache night last night at AWANAS. Silas would not allow me to wipe it off. Pick your battles people. He was also dancing while I took the above picture.

The one in the chair is his natural clothing for nap time, the nap he tells me EVERY DAY he doesn't want to take. And when I tell him he MUST put on pants to play outside he chooses *these*. Yes, they are his brothers 18 month old guido tracksuit pants. I'll let that awkward sink in for just a minute....
All in all, life comes together even if you have the most opposite people on the planet living together. Cole clearly gets his style from me...

Please take note of the carefully placed hair and the gently clasped hands to appear as model like and smooth as possible. And now, my mad dressing skills are always displayed for my children to glean from

In my defense, Kurt bought me those pants. I seriously don't know how I am not approached daily by those scam modeling agencies. Only someone who is truly thankful for all they have been given, including the most OCD of children, would post a picture of themselves looking that fab :)

Sorry for the delay

So it's been a while, I know. I have been really, really busy.

Just kidding, I'm lazy.
I do admit that I dragged my husband and kid's out to Jones Creek Farm to pick apples last weekend. It was so so fun. The owner and I used to do preschool together when the kids were younger and it's so great to support local farmers! Their apples are great and incredibly cheap!But honestly the best part may have been my beloved husband. Now, all of you men out there have been there. Your wife pulls the super excited jazz hands over something she thinks is going to be a life changing family experience. You on the other hand would rather sit on the toilet with your smart phone until your legs are so numb you CAN'T walk off without the aid of a wheel chair or one of your kid's as a make shift crutch. But the last sermon was on being a Godly husband and you KNOW she didn't forget it, because it was just two hours ago. And she took a notebooks worth of notes....and left it on your pillow. So being the ever humble servant that you are you head out on this amazing family journey.
So now we are back to OUTSIDE my mind...we get to the apple farm and the kids are seriously dressed in awesome. Like usual. I had to tell Cole he could not wear jeans and a jacket because it was almost eighty. At least Silas was not dressed like this.

He still won't believe me when I tell him that part goes in the front. So get there and the farm is set up with about 20+ rows of apple trees. All different varieties. I'm pumped. Kurt has a fat kid on his back. You can imagine his joy. We take the kid's down the rows of apples tasting to see what kind would be sweet enough. The kid's want to help pull the wagon used for carrying the apples while Silas is sitting in it. He wanted to play on my phone the whole time I am trying to make this magical family day happen. About half a box later everyone is tired and hot. The real kicker is they were all hungry. You did read that part about the tasting all the apples right? So I just want to go down ONE MORE row and about fifteen people have the same idea. It's completely blocked off with the other family wagons so I move to the side. The best part of this is, I'm pulling the wagon with Silas inside. As usual I am enjoying the moment and may not be totally aware of the situation. Kurt is behind me with fatty mcgee on his back praying that this will end. As we go around the other people the wagon tips and I just keep going. It's great. Silas is holding on for dear life, Kurt is looking at me in disbelief and Cole and Hunter are munching on apples watching it all go down. This was pretty much the time we turned around, the end of the magic. Silas screamed loud enough for everyone to think he was being kidnapped and we were awful parents. And believe me that was the FIRST time that has ever happened....

This was pre-magic. See that fat little kid on his back? That is like carrying a small adult.

Hahahahaha!!! Oh WAIT. Kurt was pulling the wagon also!! My bad, maybe that's why the magic was harder for him to see!!

Silas and Hunter helping.....

Cole actually was helping in this one :)!

He is chunky but he's cute!!!

Some of the goods!! Needless to say, it was a blast and we had a good time. I laughed a lot and enjoyed the day. Now I need to make something with the apples. I have said for the past week that I am going to make apple butter.

Just kidding! I'm lazy, remember!!